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Do the Amish celebrate Valentine’s Day?
With the Amish population growing every year; more and more mainstream American’s have Amish for next door neighbors. Since I lived within the culture for the first 24 years of my life I am writing this article as just the beginning to help you understand your neighbors to a better degree. The stories I share are real and exactly what happened when I was growing up. So let’s talk about if and how the Amish celebrate Valentine’s Day. Do the Amish get romantic? During my school years (grade 1 -8 only) we were allowed to celebrate Valentine’s Day by coloring heart pictures and taping them on the wall or the windows of our school house. The children at school were also allowed to exchange Valentine’s cards and candy amongst each other. On Valentine’s Day the teacher (non educated Amish adult) may treat all the children with a frosted cupcake or cookies. As long as the celebrations were kept on the materialistic side it was considered okay. As for romance among the Amish; it virtually does not exist. I don’t ever remember being hugged and I can count on one hand how many times I was told that I was loved in a loving way. The only other times I heard “I love you” was immediately following a whipping with a strap with huge red marks on my skin. I asked why I was spanked vs. being told what I did wrong so that I could make sure not to do it again. The answer was always the same, “I spanked you because I love you.” This confused me even more and I began to associate love with pain. I certainly did not want more pain. Nobody told me good night before I went to bed or ever tucked me in. It was considered a sin to show real romance. You never see husbands and wives showing affection for each other in public. You may see a boyfriend/girlfriend holding hands in public but that is the extent of showing affection. Any affection that my parents showed each other was done behind the closed bedroom door. I did see my father give my mother a hug one time but they did not know I was watching. It was expected of me to just know that my parents loved each other because they had gotten married. I grew up not knowing that love was important in a young child’s life. In my early years I did not know that I was missing anything but as I became a teenager I began to realize that something was missing in my life but I did not have a clue what it was and how to correct it. Today it amazes me what the human brain can get by with if it never knows any better. True Story My older brother and sister were dating a brother and sister from our community. That year when Valentine’s Day came the two couples planned to meet and have dinner at a local restaurant. My brother made the mistake of telling his boss that he was taking his girlfriend to dinner that eve because the boss told another Amish person in our community. It took many months of gossip before people forgot about this romantic dinner. It was considered very childish and worldly to take your significant other to a romantic dinner. Basically my siblings and their partners were looked down up for spending an evening together at a restaurant. Part of the big issue was that someone was trying to create a new norm for the community and many people did not like it. Creating enough gossip would hopefully divert others from wanting to do the same, plus I am pretty sure there was some jealousy involved. Some of the young people wished they had the courage to treat their significant other with a dinner but since they did not, gossiping about the people who did was okay. I don’t believe the norm caught on because even today you don’t see Amish couples out for a romantic dinner. During the two years that I dated (while I was still Amish) going to a romantic dinner never crossed our minds. The guy I dated lived in a community about 100 miles from where I lived and I don’t think we were ever together on Valentine’s Day. However, we always sent each other a nice sweetheart greeting card, gave candy, and a small gift to show we loved each other. If I did not see him on Valentine’s Day I sent the gifts in the mail and he did the same. Again all the romantic gestures we showed each other were done behind closed doors or after dark. In any case it was not okay for us to show affection in public. If we had we would have been teased about it for months to come and made to feel that we are less of a person. Nobody should need to show affection in public period. Romantic dinners or doing something nice for your spouse/special friend are very rare, if not non-existent in many of the Amish communities.
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Contributor's Note
Anna Dee Olson is the author of a book called: "Growing Up Amish: Insider Secrets from One Woman's Inspirational Journey" Today Anna is conducting Teleseminars on a regular basis to provide a bridge to the gap between the Amish culture and mainstream America. If you have a question or just want to listen to Anna answer other peoples questions, visit: http://www.TheAmishLady.com for details.
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